In 2 hours, I will be back at good ol’ JFK for a quick trip to the mothership. I know what the Tinder game is like out there. In a word: WEAK. I probably won’t even launch the Tinder app! OKOK, I’m exaggerating; it’s just window shopping anyway. I dated a dude from this part of the midwest before; he was a nut job. That being said, he seems to be an anomaly because everyone there is always so nice! But hey, I wasn’t dating them.
Well, Seattle guy texted me yesterday; hadn’t spoken to him in several days. “Can We Talk” just started playing, too! What a coincidence. I went out on a small limb and opened up a bit, telling him that I know he’s got a lot going on right now with moving back and sorting shit out and I didn’t want to interfere, but that I do miss him and think of him often.
::: exhale :::
Feelings – they’re not things I’m very comfortable expressing. I always think I sound aggressive, or I just can’t verbalize them properly, if I can verbalize them at all.
To my surprise, he reciprocated the sentiment and proceeded to say that he wished I lived closer and that our weekend was so fun, that it feels weird that I’m not there.
Could he be bullshitting me? Of course! Do I think he is? No. What would he gain by having some chick 2000+ miles away swooning? Besides, the quality about him that struck me the most is how considerate he is of not just me, but everyone around him. You can’t teach people that shit. They either is or they isn’t.
In any case, I have no idea what’s going to happen to him, let alone to a chance of “us”, but I truly want the best for him. Dudes like that don’t come around very often and if I can’t have him, then it better someone special!
And then there’s LA guy. I can’t figure out how I feel about him which makes me wonder – why am I trying to figure it out? Shouldn’t I just know? Shit, he’ll be here in a month. A lot can happen between now and then. I guess that’s part of the reason why I haven’t made any real arrangements for his visit.
– Since connecting on social media, it wasn’t hard to find his ex-wife, see what she looks like, what she’s about (or at least how I interpret it), and to see their activity on each other’s pages. Right.
– Yesterday he texted me. After admittedly ignoring him for a while, I responded an hour or so later to which he said “There’s my baby”. Excuse me, your what?
– We video chatted shortly after that text, and while I was not very excited at first, he did start to grow on me and I warmed up a bit. That’s just how it’s always been with him. Is that normal? Is that good or bad? No idea – that’s just how it is.
He’s still the only person that I talk to every single damn day. He says the same.
I don’t think that he’s used to dating… probably because I don’t think he’s quite used to being single. I don’t think he realizes what a shit show it is, and how to be responsible about it. At least he finally agreed to make an appointment to see a doctor for a check-up. He said it’s been a couple of years. Right, and he’s been divorced for a couple of years. I said that I don’t play around with my health, and out of decency for me, aside from the fact that he’s been wanting to, could he just go? He has an appointment with his new primary physician on Thursday. The complacency kills me. Is this how it’s always going to be?? Palm. Face.
Queens guy is back from Las Vegas as of Saturday night. We have no plans to see each other, but he’s sent me messages virtually every day since we last saw each other. I have no doubt that we will eventually see each other again. While I don’t think our lifestyles are in line, I do like him as a person and we get along well.
Finally, in an attempt to build up my local rotation, I’ve potentially got a couple of dudes lined up when I get back. Nothing concrete, but hopefully something will materialize with one of them! One of them even lives near me!
Alright, I should start getting ready. I’ve been sleeping so poorly since I got back. I don’t know if it’s the allergy medicine, or stress from work, or stress from dating. I should make an appointment with my psychologist again. I’ve been traveling too much to see him lately.
Till next time!