Current Mood

Today is day #5 of me being home for 6 weeks.  It’s weird to put all my luggage away; there’s usually a bag out and waiting to be packed.  And my next trip is to see family, not even work-related.  So weird.

In any case, it’s day 5 and I’m feeling especially blah.  It’s definitely got more to do with work than with anything related to boys.  Before I left for Michigan, I thought I might have some new dudes poised for the rotation.  INCORRECT!  Just more “what are you doing?” messages.  The answer to that question, especially for a first IRL encounter, is “not seeing you”.  Last minute doesn’t work for me.  I could be sitting on my ass watching TV – don’t matter.

Irritability and distraction levels are elevated at the moment.  I’m waiting to join a call at 2pm which may or may not make me more irritable and frustrated.  After that, I’m going to the gym to blow off some steam.

What’s happening on the dude-front?  In a word: nada.

Queens guy and I didn’t meet up this weekend, due to my jacked up stomach and blah mood (are they related?  Hmm..).  We almost did yesterday but I said no.  Then he suggested today and said that he needs a “cuddle session”.  Translation: wants to get laid.  Umm… It took some effort for me to bite my tongue when I saw that message come in.  It’s taking quite some effort not to say anything about it NOW!  It’s been about a month since we last saw each other, and that kind of time apart doesn’t do anyone any favors.  You’re basically a stranger to me after that much time apart, especially if we exchange just a few texts in that time.  Call me old school, but jesus christ – pick up the god damn phone and have some human interaction!!  Why do I bother again?  He leaves Thursday and is back next week sometime.  I’ve punted to next week; let’s see how far out we can push this.  🙂

Even though I’m home for six weeks, I do have other things to do!  This is primarily referring to training for the NYC Marathon in November.  This means that I’m back on my super-strict diet with few exceptions, and sleeping lots.  This then means that any “adult sleepovers” need to be strategically scheduled in that they do not interfere with my training schedule.  He does not seem to understand that I find nothing more gratifying right now than training, and because of this, it is a higher priority than any dude.  He says things like I should break my rules, and let’s do something next week and I don’t have time restrictions.  MY DUDE – if all you want to do is stay inside and smash, all day every day, I am not your girl.  I got things to do!


California guy also gets a big fat BLAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.  I saw this on IG earlier today and acknowledge that no truer words have ever been said:


What it boils down to with him is that as long as he and his ex-wife live in the same city and see each other, I cannot even BEGIN to take anything with him seriously.  And that’s just the beginning, leaving anything and everything thereafter up to the usual chance.  He had an interview last week for two jobs in Philly and should know the status of that very soon – like, end of this week.  He says that he’s leaning towards yes, but I don’t know if that’s to either or just one of the two positions.  At this point, I can’t be concerned with the goings-on in other people’s lives.  I’m too busy trying to make sense of my own shit storm.

Seattle guy is in Hawaii now with his family celebrating his mother’s retirement.  He’ll send me photos and say that he wishes I was there.  He’s got to get his shit in order, but said that he’d still meet me where my work travels may take me.  I was talking to my sister and want to visit her in the mountains this year, definitely over the winter at the latest.  I thought about asking California guy to go, but that’s where he lived and got married and blah blah blah.  Besides, my sister wants to meet Seattle guy instead, haha!  We’ll see what happens.  There’s so much up in the air right now.  In any case, back in the day, he and I talked about meeting up in TN and doing the whole bourbon trail.  To be honest, I’d totally forgotten about it, but he reminded me the other day that we still have to do it.  YASSSSSS!

And I still haven’t called my therapist for an appointment.  I’ll do that today!

Time to prep for that 2pm call.  Blah.


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