And by new things, I’m referring to me officially being a college student again. Hello, student discounts that, in no way, compensate for student loans! In 18 months, though, I’m looking forward to saying “hello!” to my MBA which, fingers crossed, will land me something somewhere that helps pay off those student loans while also being a completely awesome working environment!
But no one came here to read about grad school.
Since my last post on 12 January, I’ve been in LA for school, Utah for some snowboarding, and Boston for some work without a break in between. We had a blizzard here in NYC that accounted for almost 30″ of snow which proliferated the little-kid feeling I got from all that pow in Utah. It had been almost two weeks since I last saw The Giant when he came down to Brooklyn last Friday and we hunkered down at my place for the weekend. I made dinners in my slow cooker and we caught up on each other’s lives and lots of sleep. Fine, I missed him and I enjoyed spending the weekend with him. We watched Zoolander and Everest, and he attentively listened as I gushed about my classes and classmates. I worked on my paper as he napped on Saturday afternoon. We stomped around the park on Sunday morning, wrestled in knee-deep pow, and laid in the snow, staring up at the sky. There was so much to catch up on that I didn’t want to fall asleep, despite how heavy my eyelids got. Sounds fun, right? It was. Then he left.
This evening I received a text from him saying that we should go snowboarding and there’s a 3-day weekend coming up. And also, what are my summer plans because he will be in Europe for at least a week to attend a wedding and then he plans on going to Montauk for a few weeks so do I have any definite consecutive weeks that I’m away in July and August.
First, yes, the said 3-day weekend coming up in 2-1/2 weeks. Second, last night I was just thinking how after four months, I still don’t feel connected to him and how I’m sticking to my plan of assessing the state of the union in a couple of months. I’ve been thinking about it more lately, wondering if I feel like some sort of convenience for him, not a priority… just there when he has time. That isn’t going to work because there isn’t much convenient about my life right now. Knowing that I leave on Monday for another week away – I swear, didn’t I just get home?? – I asked him on Sunday before he left my apartment what he was doing this week. He had some things to do with family and friends on Thursday and Friday. It’s now Wednesday. And the last guy I met from Tinder, before I deleted the app, asked if I wanted to go ice skating and grab food on Saturday. I told him that I was in a holding pattern with this group project so he said it wasn’t a problem, and we can play it by ear. There are no plans with The Giant and I feel inclined to go out with the Super Nice Music Teacher on Saturday just to remind myself that I have options. My other more viable option is to volunteer on Saturday (right, V??). Everything does, however, hinge on how my team meeting for school goes tomorrow night! If there’s a shit ton to do, then I will most likely be doing homework this weekend. Barf. In any case, I’m trying really hard to just focus on The Giant as a partner but it isn’t easy. Not because there is a shit ton of options knocking down my door, because there isn’t, but really because I struggle with what the hell is going on. I try to just let it go and let it be. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t. At the end of the day, I just remind myself that he isn’t my boyfriend. And because he isn’t, he doesn’t get all privileges and perks. Fuck that. If I don’t see you much, and talk to you even less, how am I supposed to feel connected to you? Because I don’t. The one time I did call him, on Sunday from Utah, his phone was broken and he was getting a new one. Sigh.
I wondered if there was going to be any eye candy at school, especially with my class being mostly female (60%) for the first time in the program’s history. Well, wonder no longer – there certainly is eye candy. And surprise – he’s mad cool. We hit it off pretty well, teasing each other which is pretty par for my course. We ended up on the same team for the next 18 months; he said he’s excited to work with me. Likewise! But I don’t shit where I eat; it’s just nice to have some eye candy to help the class go by quicker, haha!
Being in a class with people in roughly the same age demographic, nearly everyone is married, with or without kids, and/or in relationships. Then here’s me. I felt a weird kind of peer pressure to talk about “the guy I’m dating back home” even though I would adamantly say that he is NOT my boyfriend. There were even photos being exchanged. I looked around the room and wondered, am I the only asshole in here that’s single? I think Eye-Candy is single, too. Hahaha! But I deliberately cock-blocked myself and mentioned “the guy I’m dating back home” and we talked briefly about the stupid, awkward grey zones in dating.
Right before giving me a big hug goodbye, Eye Candy told me he’ll be in NYC in February or March for work and I should meet some of his people. Sure! 🙂 With biweekly team meetings now, I see Eye Candy more than I see The Giant. How fucked is that??