an exercise in calm

it is now 1218am and my ass should be asleep.  instead, i’m awake and don’t have jetlag to blame.  maybe it’s the endorphins still kicking after the quick 6-miles i ran this evening as i train for marathon #2.  maybe it’s all this homework i have to do for my finance class.  maybe it’s the travel and logistics that i’m close to wrapping up for my trip to asia in 6 weeks.  maybe it’s the fact that i’m so strapped for cash that i’m waiting till my next credit card cycle to book the hotels!  fortunately the hotels are the last piece since the flights are all done.  while i know that all i have to do is send the BF a bill for half of everything and he’ll pay me really fast, holy fuck – the sheer amounts of money i’m dealing with is overwhelming.

maybe it’s the fact that i didn’t get the scholarship even though it required a lot more work and commitment than the one time $1000 they were offering.  fly to LA for you social gatherings… for the rest of my life??  shit, i’d have done it if i got the scholarship, but that network better have been worth the travel costs.  so much for the trifecta of bf/scholarship/new job.  and speaking of new job, i spoke with my boss today who was not contacted by the hiring manager for the position i interviewed 3-1/2 weeks ago for.  he said that would’ve been the next step internally, as far as he knows.  he suggested i reach out to her, so i did since my follow up email last week to the HR rep who interviewed me went unanswered.

trying to stay calm… trying.

between school and paying for school, work and trying to find new work, training for a marathon (for fuck’s sake, i’m only in week 3 of 18), loads of homework, loads of traveling for school and work, i have no idea wtf is going on!  my calendar is atrocious.  this is the last full week that i will be home until the end of september.  i am going somewhere every week starting next week!  holy fuck.

hopefully my friends won’t disown me!  i have plans to see some over the next couple weekends but i think that’s gonna be it for a while.

sorry for the bitch sesh.  i should probably see my therapist but even spending the $35 co-pay has me thinking twice!!!



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