Roller Coasters – Not the Emotional Kind

Another weekend, another class in LA.  Wrapping up Economics is exhilarating.  It’s been nothing but information overload that has caused us all to stop and think about just what in the actual f*ck is going on in the world.  It was a very enlightening class, but very intense and sucked the life out of us, especially with all the group and individual projects due.  Our last final is due in six days, and I’m only halfway done.  Shit.

Anyway, after three days in Chicago for strategy and sales leadership meetings, I flew to LA and straight to the executive program’s holiday party in Santa Monica.  I changed in the hotel lobby restroom, freshened up my makeup, tried to look as lively as I could, and joined the crowd.  Hot Aussie had called me earlier in the day to let me know he was working on the last portion of our group paper.  I asked if he was going to the party, and he said he totally forgot about it but wanted to go.  Before I got on the plane, I emailed the admin folks and squeezed him in and boom.  I texted him from the plane and said he was in if he still was interested,  He said yes, and that if it sucks, we can go to the pier and ride the roller coaster.  Since he works in fitness, he doesn’t get dressed up a whole lot, or at all, but he paid attention when I told him we were all getting a little dressed up.  And God damn, he looks good when he does.  I think half of my class was in attendance, along with other students and alumni.  It was cool, and the food was good from what I heard.  To my complete and utter surprise, Aaron offered to bring me to my friend’s place in Hollywood.  Yes, of course – beats an uber.  So we talked for the 30 min drive and for an hour outside.  His flight is booked for Aus over the holidays and he’s come to terms as much as he can that this will most likely be the last time he sees his mother.  Ugh, I can’t even imagine.  We talked a bit more about our families, and discovered we have quite a bit in common there.  We talked broadly about relationships, still his favorite subject.  He asked me flat out, pretty sure for the second time, if I had a burning desire to be a mother.  Umm… answer is still NOPE.  He told me that he was going to suggest going to the roller coaster after the party but that I looked exhausted.  I was kind of bummed to hear that I might have missed out, so I said he’d have to take me another time within the next 8 months before graduation.

He carried my big ass gear bag up the stairs and into my friend’s apartment.  I introduced them real fast, and he left.  

One of the girls picked me up to go to class on Friday morning.  She was also at the party the night before.  I told her that we did nothing but talk.  Some of the others wanted to know if I would even tell them if things happened.  I don’t know, but I doubt it.  During class, Hot Aussie asked me if I needed a ride back.  I’m thinking, OK – WTF IS GOING ON HERE?!  I said that the same girlfriend might bring me back because she’s close (class is about 6 miles from his house VS the 15 to my friend’s), and that I’d ask.  He said to just let him know.  Then it dawned on me that he might actually want to spend time with me.  Fuckin genius!!!  Ugh… So I said, hey, if that offer still stands, I’ll take you up on it.  Rollercoaster???  

We sure AF hit up the Santa Monica pier and rode the roller coaster.  Then played air hockey, and I can’t believe that mofo beat me twice, especially coming back from 5-1.  Then we played Dance Dance Revolution FIVE which he’d never even heard of before!!  I was appalled; this is a cultural phenomenon!!  We were fuckin horrible, hahaha!  Then I dragged him into a photo booth.  Then he brought me home.  We were laughing and smiling the entire time.  I hadn’t had that much impromptu fun in a really long time, and made sure he knew as much.  

Class on Saturday is bright and early, and I wasn’t sure what I was doing after class, hanging out somewhere or going back to pick up my stuff, so I brought it all with me just in case.  Yo, I was wrecked.  From traveling all week for work, sitting in meetings, and planes, and class – I wanted to collapse so I’d pretty much decided to go back to my friend’s place to take a nap.  That’s when you-know-who asks what I’m doing, and says that makes no sense, and he’ll take me to the airport later.  I was like, umm… that’s in five hours.  He asked if I didn’t think I could handle it.  I said it’s more like I know he’s a busy dude.  He said there was only one condition: we had to take a walk so he could hit 10K steps on his fitbit.  Umm… I’m a New Yorker; walking is my favorite mode of transportation.  

We went back to his place so he could change shoes, and as I was sitting there waiting for him to put on his other shoe, he looks over at me, kicks off his one shoe, and let’s just say it was a continuation of what happened in Bangkok, but a little more involved.  Still no actual sex, let’s just make that clear!  

He told me they are very recently broken up, and that among the other reasons like we still have class and live 2500 miles apart, he hadn’t “cleared his space” of her yet, and wanted to do that before pursuing or starting anything with me.  He didn’t want me to feel like a rebound.  I thought, oh – so this isn’t just sex then?  Like, he wants a relationship or something?  Well, that changes things.  He asked, all these different things don’t bother you?  I said no, because I’m fully aware of the circumstances and I’m an adult.  *shrug*.   This conversation is happening sans clothing, mind you.  I told him that I totally understand, and am not hurt or offended because he didn’t want to sleep with me.  I said it might be awful anyway after all this build up.  He laughed, and asked if that was true.  I said, maybe.  It’s unlikely, but not impossible.  

Then we finally went for that walk.  We talked about all sorts of shit.  He told me about how they’re going to therapy for a “conscious uncoupling”.  Yes, the same shit that Gwyneth Paltrow did.  I said, “oh god” and immediately apologized for my outburst.  He said it’s so that there’s a clean break and no anger, hostility, open ended feelings, etc. which all just reminded me of what my therapist said, that it’s all bullshit.  🙂  I kept on thinking, but we’re all adults.  We take risks on people when we chose to be with them.  Sometimes things work out.  More often they don’t.  What is so complicated about this?  Accept the reality of shit and move the fuck on.  I think he feels guilty that they were together for the better part of a year and he couldn’t pull the trigger on having a kid with her.  He said that they are still great friends and she’s beautiful and would make a great wife and partner, but there was a certain chemistry missing – and referenced the one that we have.  OH.  THAT.  Well… yea, it’s there.  I’ve never felt very compelled to act on it in any particular way because we’ve always been linked to other people and/or he’s just been very obviously confused about shit.  

He clocked in over 11K steps that day, and he brought me to the airport right after our walk.  Still, no idea what’s going on with him, but I do think of him and smile.  There’s a genuine care for him as a person but there’s still something holding me back.  No idea what it is after all this time.  In the meantime, I’m 100% enjoying getting to know him outside of school. Whether or not that amounts to anything remains to be seen.  We aren’t back in class till January; we’ll see which side of Hot Aussie shows up then.  


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s