Two weeks ago, I wrote an entry while I was sitting at Denver Intl Airport, waiting for my delayed red eye home. My iPad started spazzing out so I couldn’t finish the entry. I didn’t get to publish when I got home. Just before, I went to publish it, and then the screen changed and it was gone! So here I am at LAX, so let’s do this:
To summarize then:
The holidays were super fun! I spent eight days in Colorado, crashed with my baby sister who I adore, and her three-legged dog who I just might adore more. Just kidding. Maybe. Anyway, I got to do my absolute favorite activity on this entire fuckin planet, and that was snowboard in fresh powder. I met with some friends out there, and also went snowboarding with my sister and we had an awesome Christmas date night. She commented that this was the first Christmas we’d really ever spent together, probably since she was a baby, since we have lived apart for almost all her 24 years on this planet. That hit me pretty hard for some reason. I almost cried when we said bye at the airport… then I remembered that I was going back to Denver just three weeks later, haha!
DD and I had dinner before he took off for Europe to spend New Years with his family. We went to Momosan Ramen after my therapy session, and I proceeded to get irritated at him when the hostess asked us if we would be ok sitting at the bar and he said yes without even as much as looking at me for what I might have thought. He caught himself afterwards, and I commented that that was quite useless noticing so late. Of course I was fine sitting at the bar. The fact that he didn’t think beyond himself to even consider what I might have wanted bothered me. He realized what he did wrong, and I apologized and I was able to shake it off and we enjoyed dinner. He invited me to go back to his place to essentially keep him company while he packed. Pass. I went home.
New Years was pretty low key; me and V went to watch the fireworks in Brooklyn and then went snowboarding at a local mountain with another one of my dear girlfriends. I thought they’d met over the summer at the beach, but was mistaken. I’m somewhat particular about having my different circles of friends meet, but both of them are both so cool and laid back and we all have the common thread of boy issues to discuss that there would be no shortage of topics! We started 2017 in a truly remarkable way, bluebird day with some pretty good snow and just good, happy, fun vibes. I couldn’t have asked for more!
Talking to the girls about the guys in our worlds suddenly flipped a switch for me. It made me realize that in some ways, DD is quite consistent and vocal about his feelings (and everything else). He may tell me EVERYTHING but at least he tells me things. He isn’t afraid to tell me that he misses me or that he loves me or that he wants to see me or that he can’t wait to see me or that he’s sorry about something or that he fucked something up. Shit. Have I been the problem this entire time? Or at least part of it? There’s no guessing with him like there is with Hot Aussie. He puts everything out there for me to see and deal with, should I choose to.
Speaking of Hot Aussie, we had class this weekend down in Irvine. A bunch of us went go kart racing last night and that was SOOO FUN! I came in 7th and 6th (out of 8) but I didn’t quite give a shit. It was the usual kissing and hugging, which seems to be the norm in and out of class. He wasn’t offering to drive me back up to LA and honestly I don’t really know how to act around him sometimes. I don’t expect much of anything and even though both of us have been more obvious about our interactions in front of our class and faculty, I still don’t expect him to do anything beyond the confines of school. I didn’t even get to say bye to him at first today because he was still working on something and it’s always a bit of a whirlwind and where were T and I going to kill time before our flights home and who was going to give us a ride. One of the girls said we’d go to dinner and she’d take us. I raced to the bathroom to pee, and was going to go back to say bye to Aaron but he’d left. T said that he’ll find me, that he always finds me, haha! Just when I was like, shit, I didn’t get to say bye, who do I see walking down the stairs at the garage. He said he came back to say bye to us. He said he’d join us for dinner and T passed me off to him for a ride back to LA. Take-away from Sugarfish was all on him as we walked to the marina and had dinner outside.
On the way back to the car, he and I were talking. T wants to move to LA. He asked me when I was moving, if it would be in the next six months. Umm… I don’t know about that… But I did tell him that I’d thought about what he asked me before, about school and living far apart not being a concern. I elaborated and said that that stuff is easy to overcome, and that meeting someone worthwhile, who you want to spend time with, who you get along and connect with, how that was harder. He agreed. I asked him how he comfortable with ambiguity he thought he was. He said he probably thought he was more comfortable than he really is. I laughed and agreed, and commented that he did seem very kind of… structured and certain things need to happen in a certain order before other things can happen. His response was that that was a product of two relatively recent breakups of serious relationships. When I asked him about my not fitting into what I believed was his “type”, he said that he believes that he goes by personal connection more than any “type”. I told him that I don’t have a lot of data to go on, but that was just an impression I had and would be happy to be wrong.
In any case, my flight is supposed to board soon so I should run. DD is supposed to come over tomorrow to finish watching Westworld and just chill. I’m looking forward to seeing him.