7 Months Later

A lot has happened since my last post in January:

  • In February, I was let go from my company during a restructuring.  I was in the company of Directors and VPs, so at least that made me feel better.
  • In March, I signed with a company that I’d interviewed with a few times starting in October.
  • Also in March, I ended things with DD after he was utterly and completely unsupportive after my job loss.
  • In April, I rented out my beloved Brooklyn apartment and moved to LA, signing a lease for an apartment with my friend and grad school classmate.  We have a pretty dope (and big) split 2BR/2BA just a couple miles from the beach.
  • Also in April, I bought my first car.  Two days later, I put a very small, hardly noticeable ding in it.
  • In May, I started my new job and a 53′ trailer hauling my stuff from Brooklyn finally arrived! Hello snowboard, bike, and bed!
  • June and July were all work and school and very stressful because of both.
  • Now in August, I am six days away from graduating with my MBA.  My family is all coming to LA on Thursday and I can’t freakin wait!

But let’s get to the real reason why I’m back.  Aside from having some free time now for a change, thanks to not having 90-page papers to write, things with my hot classmate have finally come to a conclusion.  After a long 19-month journey that took us around the world and back, I’m officially throwing in the towel and closing this chapter of my life.  This is the chapter of grad school and the chapter that included him.  I don’t know what kind of outcome I was expecting or hoping for; things were always so vague it was hard to really envision anything, to be honest, but I did not expect it to end with such a feeling of hurt and disappointment.

Over the last couple of months, we got a bit closer and more open, physically and emotionally. Notably, he became more openly expressive towards me, which I think was due to the fact that school was almost done, but he was always careful and let me know that that he’s reluctant to start a relationship because he’s not around for much of the foreseeable future and it wouldn’t be responsible.  I appreciated the honesty and his concern for my feelings in that way.  He was right.  As much as I might like him, it’s not sustainable.

To make a long story short, his ex – the one who he was with when things unfolded in Bangkok – stopped speaking to him as she needed to move on.  This seemed to hit him hard, and he was getting used to not having her around even as friend. To my surprise, he invited her to our graduation.  He told me that she asked him to let her know if he was dating anyone or romantically involved because she wouldn’t go.  Well, since she is going, we can all assume that he told her NO to the above.

This leads to one of two conclusions: 1) he’s lying to her, or 2) he’s been lying to me for the past 19 months.

He’s chosen to protect her feelings at the expense of mine.

I spoke with him this morning and voiced my concerns.  I told him I wanted to do so before Saturday in case he thought I might be acting differently.  He asked why I would do that.  I said that we avoid each other all the time in class, so it would just be more of that.  I told him that I wasn’t mad, and that it just stings a bit. Even though I said it’s all good and it’s cool, he said that it isn’t.  I told him that it might not be right now, but it will be because I am a grown up and I’ll deal with it.  He asked if I wanted him to do anything.  I said no, and that my only goal of the conversation was to share information.

It’s disappointing.  It hurts.  It wasn’t his intention to make me feel like I’m being slighted, but he understands how I feel that way. He is a genuinely good person, but his heart is clearly not with me.

As Saturday approaches, I have so much to look forward to, and will not let this interfere with my time celebrating with my family and friends. He was a massive part of this journey and I’m thankful for every moment of the journey.  Now it really is time to move on to bigger and better things, and I’ll be able to document it all in gory detail once again.

 

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