Mountains, Cowboys, and a Wedding (Not Mine!)

The past few weekends have been busy!  It started with my good friend’s wedding immediately followed by time in the mountains of Big Bear and then a weekend in Solvang and Los Alamos with their “Old Days” parade with cowboys and their dancing horses. All of this happened amidst hectic work deadlines and probably some stress wrinkles forming on my face.

The weekend of the wedding and Big Bear was the same weekend that Seattle guy was coming to town.  It was also the same weekend that I came home with a boyfriend.  EEK!  Haven’t had one of those in a while!  Anyway, I got a text from Seattle guy on Saturday night saying that I’ve been quiet and he wasn’t sure if I still wanted to meet up before he left LA, and that he understands if I can’t, and it’s all good. He wasn’t so dramatic yet, most likely because it was only around 10 pm, so kind early.  So I responded finally at about 1130pm and asked where he was staying, and that I didn’t know what time I’d be home the following day, but where in LA was he staying.  Then he responded – now it’s about 1am AKA prime drunk texting hour – and says it’s fine and he’ll catch me the next time and then says no, he won’t. Its all just the usual drama bullshit that I’ve noticed tend to come with his late-night, alcohol-induced communications that happen way too frequently for my liking.

Prior to his last drunken text, I had every intention of meeting him on Monday evening and letting him know that his effort of seeing where things could go between us was completely inadequate.  So I let him know, haha!  The following day, I told him that going days without communicating was not working out for me.  He said that he thinks about me all the time and would’ve totally called or texted me more, and that he knows now, but that if I want to call it, then he will respect that and we can be cool and go our separate ways. So I told him that I’m not going to ask someone to demonstrate to me that they’re thinking of me, and that clearly whatever it was that he was doing was enough for him. I was not going to mention the new guy.  Seattle guy never responded to my last text.  Because it’s 2017, I found out on IG that he unfollowed me, haha!  I in turn deleted the photo I had of him from 2015 and unfollowed him as well. So much for being cool.  But he probably wouldn’t want to see my IG these days anyway.

Back to the new guy:

I’m starting to believe that I did myself a disservice by making myself so available to him. Lately I’m craving my own space and my own time away from him, which he says he’s ok with.  I don’t know why he says he misses me all the time; I guess he does.  When he asks me if I did, and I say nothing or I say, “I just saw you 12 hours ago” like what happened this morning, he’ll say that he thinks I missed him a little.  Umm… ok, whatever makes you feel better, I guess.  He’s going back to Santa Barbara tomorrow night till Tuesday for work then leaving Wednesday for a vacation to Taipei for a week. Maybe then I’ll finally miss him.  I see him basically every damn day, so no, I don’t have the opportunity to miss you.

But let me back track to a couple of weeks ago. I was at his apartment, across the street, and suddenly had an urge to leave and that I just didn’t want to be there anymore.  I haven’t been inside his apartment since then.  What it boiled down to is that he and I talk about the future and our future a lot, and I couldn’t see it as long as I was in the apartment that he moved into, with his wife, and the body butter he said I could leave there was two shelves up from a big box of tampons that were neither his nor mine.  I was visibly upset by this.  It’s not the memory of her that bothers me; she’s always going to be a part of his life, and even though I don’t know much about what their relationship was like, other than she didn’t let him do anything or go anywhere, she affected who he is today, like it or not.  What bothers me is all this talk about the future and my wanting to buy into it, but not being able to 100% believe he’s moved on.  Even before I brought this up, he said that he was planning on moving.  After this discussion, he spoke with his property management and found out his lease is up December 1st but that he would move before then so I don’t have to feel uncomfortable, and asked what else he should get rid of.  Like I said, I haven’t been to his apartment since that day a couple of weeks ago, so he showed me all the stuff he was tossing or donating.  There are no significant visible traces of his wife in his apartment, btw.  No photos, just some books and that bottom shelf loaded with her medication and tampons. He FaceTimed me and showed me that they were all packed up and going away. He asked what else might bother me, and said that he’ll get rid of everything and get brand new stuff if that’ll make me feel better. He said that, among other things, he got rid of her books and 12 champagne flutes and will be getting rid of his bed, too.  Anything that could set me off, is gone.

Anything I ask this man to do, he will.  And I don’t say that in any kind of cocky or manipulative way; it really is the truth.  More than half the time, he does things on his own without me even having to ask, which is amazing.

He floated the idea of us living together; I thought about it for a quick second but he and I both knew it wasn’t a good idea.  He said he drafted his 30-day notice letter to his property management company, but I don’t know that he’s sent it in, especially since he’s going to be out of town for essentially a week and a half.  Then we are going to NYC Nov 1-5.  I asked him before when exactly he was going to move, and he said that he’s going to make it happen.  Then he realized that his schedule has him out of town, and he sees the difficulties in trying to move if he’s not even around. This is certainly a point of frustration for me; he wants to spend every waking minute with me, when he can spend that time finding a new place to live.  I have a feeling this will come up in conversation soon.  🙂

Final note: I had a root canal done on Wednesday.  Aside from the stress and anxiety from all the deadlines at work this week, the stress of my first root canal was extra.  He offered to bring me and I thought, nah, it’s no big deal… then for some reason, I changed my mind.  I’m glad I did, and I’m super thankful he was there because I felt like I was knocked the hell out.  I fell asleep during the procedure somehow, and then for almost 3 hours after I got home.  I probably could’ve driven, but it was a better idea that I didn’t.



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